I just realized that I haven’t posted in a couple of weeks, and although it’s partially due to real life kicking us in the teeth, I also realize there’s another reason.

I’m just not having that much fun in WoW right now.

My feelings about this game cycle fairly predictably.  There are periods of “OMG EVERYTHING IS AWESOME” where I just cannot get enough playtime. There are periods of complete and utter apathy; sure, I guess I’ll play for a little bit, but I’m just not that invested.  And there are periods where I just can’t fight the feeling that everything is pointless, and those? Those are the worst for me.

And that’s what I’m mired in right now: feelings of futility. On an intellectual level, I really like the Cataclysm structure of increased challenge (whether the challenge is actually there or it’s just due to no longer being silly overgeared for most of the content), but in practice, it’s somewhat frustrating.

Right now, in order to further gear up my main toons, I need to run heroics. And not just any heroics – a couple of specific ones where there are still upgrades.  However, due to the way that heroics run in our current gear, and the general terrible-ness of groups put together from Looking for Dungeon, I feel like I need to have a block of at least three hours where I don’t need to get my ass out of the chair for any reason in order to just run one.

Sure, some days I get lucky and happen to be available at the same time enough guildies are also available and not already running heroics, and can get a full guild group that runs smoothly. More often, I need to spend at least 45 minutes in queue (and god forbid I have an internet hiccup during that time – a disconnect dumps you out of queue and you have to start over), and then at least an hour in the instance itself at which point the group either falls apart due to it’s terrible-ness, or we actually succeed in clearing the content. The first happens far more often than the second, sadly. Either way, I’m left frustrated and grumpy more often than not.

All that just for a chance at one of the few remaining upgrades. I have no use for Justice Points right now, and I’m not getting Valor Points because I don’t want to spend those three hours doing something that gives no real chance of improving my gear situation. I don’t run heroics for fun like some folks do – they’re a means to an end for me. And while I don’t mind running a instance with no upgrades for me to help out a friend, I certainly don’t want to do it with strangers.

This leads to a couple of other problems for someone like me, who can’t help but over-think her leisure activities:

1) Achievement-chasing: Krikket already has an insane amount of achievement points, and while I’d love to rack up some more, I can’t bring myself to do it. I know I should be spending my in-game time preparing myself for raiding, not chasing NerdPoints. So I’ve been completely ignoring achievements because I feel so guilty about what I’m not doing, it sucks all the fun out of it for me.

2) Alts: Historically, I’ve been a huge fan of alts.  I love being able to see how the other classes work, and seeing the content from all the perspectives of healer / tank / DPS. But when my Horde priest hit 85, I discovered one of the problems with alts now.  Sometimes? When an alt gets leveled up, you find out that playing that class is actually a whole lot more fun than playing your main. Which has led to me not really wanting to play either one – grinding out gear for a character who – in a best-case scenario – will never see anything more of end-game than possibly a Baradin Hold PuG raid is depressing. For any character of mine, other than my two shaman, heroics are the end-game, and since they’re my least favorite part of WoW, I’ve sort of lost interest in getting any of my other characters to 85.

Right now, I log on to do a little farming here and there, to do inscription research on my DK, or to help someone else out with something, or if I have a scheduled raid. Otherwise? I’m not even a little interested in starting up the game.

I’m sure that this too will pass – it’s certainly not the first batch of WoW-apathy I’ve butted up against, but it’s certainly one of the longest-lasting that didn’t come on the heels of a big guild drama-bomb. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what it would take to bring back the fun. I’ve considered re-rolling some of my favorite characters on a PvE server somewhere and taking the time to really explore the revamped Azeroth. I’ve thought about hunting for a casual raiding guild for my priest and cutting back on my other obligations.  I’ve thought about pulling out of the raiding game entirely and focusing on the parts of WoW that I used to really enjoy. But those all feel like big steps I’m just not ready to take.

In the meantime, I’m not logging a lot of WoW-hours. I have instead purchased the beta of Minecraft, which is way more fun than it should be, especially since I kind of think I might be missing the whole point. I don’t do a lot of building – I just do a lot of whacking at blocks with a pickaxe and trying not to die.