About half an hour ago, my boyfriend bundled up, and headed out to pick up his brother, and the two of them were planning on standing in line for about four hours at the midnight release of Cataclysm at our local Gamestop.  Apple will be meeting up with them later.  I’ve spend the last couple of week gloating about my digital download, and how I could spend those hours sitting at home, all warm and comfortable.

Of course, when I was doing all that bragging, I though I would be desperately trying to finishing SOMETHING before the level cap went up, and there were a million things I felt like I HAD to do, instead of just half a million I felt like I wanted to.

That’s a little harsh, I know, but I think it’s put a damper on my excitement. In fact, the prevalent emotion I’ve been feeling is a pretty serious case of DO NOT WANT.

Am I exaggerating? Yeah, I am exaggerating a little bit. Despite the fact that there’s no way in HELL I’m staying up to log on right at 3 a.m. my time, I’m sure once I get over my initial trepidation and just dive into it, I’m going to have a great time.

But…

You see, Apple and I chatted about this some last night, and we’re pretty much mostly on the same page. We’re just not ready. I don’t know that we’d ever be ready.

Yes, I managed to bang through most of the big items on my bucket list.  I have Loremaster and Starcaller and a Rusted Proto Drake. I spent several hours grinding up professions on Savillaine (and cooking on Alix, thank you Pilgrims Bounty!). But despite achievement points earned, shiny titles, and multiple characters with professions all at 450, I just don’t feel done.

Can I digress for a moment?

There’s a great children’s book (and movie as well) called The Phantom Tollbooth. In that story, there’s a character called the Terrible Trivium. And maybe I just watched the movie too many times when I was younger … or you know, in the past few weeks … but I can hear him in my head sometimes:

Come back, come back! There are so many things to take away, and things to bring back. There are so many holes to dig. So many doodles to doodle. Come back! There are so many useless things yet to do!

There’s nothing important left. But there are still so many useless things yet to do. And when I log on tomorrow? I will feel like I can’t be doing any of them. There is leveling to be accomplished, and anything else shiny along the way? Well, I’m just going to have to believe it will be there when I get back, I guess.

The worst part is, I think I’m most disappointed in me. In that I am taking this game, this toy, this FUN THING, and letting my sense of obligation and tendency to over-commit myself wreck it just a little bit. Because I have two mains, and as such, two guilds, and both guilds are planning to resume raiding in about a month or less. For most people, that’s probably just about right.  But it feels like rushing to me.

Krikket was not yet level 70 when Wrath was released – if memory serves, she was level 58 because I was planning to level her with my boyfriend’s shiny new Death Knight. Wrath came out on November 13th, and my achievement tab shows that we hit 80 on December 28th, so the whole process took a little more than a month and a half. My first raid achievement – for the Plague Quarter in Naxxaramus – was earned about two weeks later.

Logically, I know that the two can’t really be compared. We’re only going up 5 levels this time – not the 22 I did then. But I also know that I need to do it with two characters, and I just can’t help feeling overwhelmed.

My boyfriend, naturally, thinks I’m insane. He promises me we can take our time, that we’re doing this to have fun, but he’s already talking about “and then we can…” and I want to tell him to stop.

I am promising myself that my two lovely shaman ladies are the priority, but once they’re ready, I’m taking time to play, to explore, and to find all of those useless things that the Cataclysm has brought us and do them.

 

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