So, have you ever known one of those people who seemed to be obnoxiously good at everything? You know the type. That guy in high school that was MVP of every sports team. The woman whose house is always spotless, can cook five star meals, always looks immaculate, has two kids who are both straight A students, and is a senior VP at 35. Or someone who can play any musical instrument they put their hands on.
Well, that’s sort of how I feel playing WoW with my boyfriend. There isn’t a damn thing in this game that I can do as well as him,* never mind actually be better at. He can tank, he can heal, he can do caster, ranged or melee DPS. Any class he rolls, he excels at. Whatever character has struck his current fancy is geared in the best available in seemingly no time. We won’t even talk about how fast he can level from 1 – 80, or how quickly he can grind a profession from nothing to max.
I’m really not uber-competitive normally, but this makes me crazy. Like, seriously crazy. Like, I’m pretty sure a demon has taken over my body & brain crazy.**
He is currently leveling a shaman and has sworn that he will never ever ever spec him elemental because he knows the first time he beats my DPS, I will uninstall the damn game.*** It’s sort of the last thing that I feel like is mine in WoW, like maybe, in some alternate universe, I might be just a little bit better at than him. I don’t want that tested. I work my ass off to be the best I can possibly be, and if he were to just waltz in and do it better? I don’t think I could handle it.
Because I am one of those persnickety people that just doesn’t have fun being bad at something. The list of thing that I really wanted to do I have failed to pursue for that reason in my life is very very long. Flute lessons. Painting, drawing, any kind of art, really. Just about anything you can think of that you need to have some degree of natural aptitude to be successful at – I have tried and failed. I cannot dance just for the joy of dancing without worrying about how ridiculous my white-girl-flail actually looks to others.
I feel like I have to work really really really hard to do what other people seem to be able to do effortlessly in WoW. Sometimes it’s really frustrating for me. Maybe I really am just not that good. Maybe it is due in part to falling in love with a spec that just doesn’t get that much love from the developers. Maybe that’s a convenient excuse. I don’t know.
But sometimes, it’s exhausting to smile and say “grats” because he’s this close to rocking 4-piece T10, and already consistently kicking my ass to hell and back on the DPS meters. I feel this constant pressure to try harder, to do more. In the same amount of time I’ve spent getting Norrah to 71, he’s leveled a shaman to the same point (and nearly passed me), and also leveled a DK into Northrend, leveled a 40-something warlock, and a couple of characters into their mid-20s. Mind you, I brought Norrah’s heirlooms over when I transferred; he had to grind badges for several new sets.
You see, there’s a little voice in the back of my head telling me that if I just tried harder, if I did more research, or grinding, or … something, I could be doing better too. That I’m not dedicated enough. That I’m not putting in the necessary effort to excel. That it all falls on me.
I also know, that no matter how hard I was willing to work, it would never be better enough. Some people just have the natural aptitude, and I don’t think I’m one of those people. I’m not patient enough. I don’t have a high enough tolerance for slogging through the not-fun (and there’s a significant amount of not-fun to the grindiness). I am never going to be as good at this game as I could be. And it’s on me to learn to be ok with that – not on him to slow down or do less or fail more to make me happy.
* – There is one notable exception. I’m good with gold. I can make money with little to no effort, while he struggles for gemming cash everytime he gets an upgrade. Not sure what that says about either of us.
** – I use this excuse frequently when I have a completely illogical issue that makes me rage-y all out of proportion. It’s not my fault, I have a demon. Blame True Blood.
*** – He’s not making it up either. I have threatened precisely this. There are nine other classes, and two other shaman specs. Go excel at those and GTFO of my palm lightning. For serious.
So Much WoW, So Little Time 
7 comments
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03/17/2010 at 11:25 PM
Myssidia
=/ I could say the standard “It’s really not about being better than others,” but I have a feeling it’s one of those things you’re already thinking of. So here’s this: =] You’re both awesome people and I’m soooo glad you transferred over. And this: you’re the best ele shaman I’ve ever raided with, and the only one I’ve ever seen that opts to tank heal as resto spec. And does a great job at it. Basically: You’re awesome. Don’t be down on yourself. =]
03/17/2010 at 11:40 PM
Krikket
Myss, for you I have
<3's
and
~~~<@'s!
(hearts and flowers. that's what those are. trufax.)
Thank you for being one of the many BoOites who have made me feel amazingly at home and like I totally did the right thing, even when I'm feeling kind of blues-y for whatever reason. It means a lot.
03/18/2010 at 2:23 AM
evisceratespam
reading this post make me want to give you a hug and punch pen in the face
that is all
03/18/2010 at 7:43 AM
Cat
I could write out a long comment here, but basically what it would boil down to is this: Holy crap I get it, every word. Yeah. wow.
03/18/2010 at 11:40 AM
Souci
yes. yes. yes. yes, i do.
The woman whose house is always spotless, can cook five star meals, always looks immaculate, has two kids who are both straight A students, and is a senior VP at 35.
my attempts to bake bread like Martha aside (we know how that turned out – poor bunny!), have i ever mentioned to you the day that my boss at Higgins turned 28 & i cried like a child in the Quest gallery because at 32 i was total failure in comparison? i promptly started looking for another job, because not only was it an opportunity to make more monies, but i couldn’t look at her without making a comparison that left me sure that i sucked at life. years later we are friends. she still has a nicer house (that she owns), two cars, & a husband who makes enough that she can stay home with her three boys, &c &c. but you know what? i console myself thusly: my little apartment & one car with the dent totally trumps throwing up as much as she does (she’s sick a LOT!). also, she makes me really good cookies when i go over to her house, so surely it’s not worth making the comparisons.
apparently cookies solve some envy issues for me.
in WoW i’ve totally adopted a nearly non-competitive stance. remember when you & i were in some convoluted race over achievement points? I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN. i hated it. in short, i like you too much to get competitive with you. which is to say that i think Ted made a good decision in promising to not go Elem.
xoxoxo
03/19/2010 at 9:19 AM
Kotakh
I cant say i understand how you feel since i’m the best at everything i try but…lol
Seriously tho, trying to excel at dps while playing an ele shammy..you gotta be a bit of a masochist 😉
You can put me in the group of ppl who are very happy both of you have transfered to play with us. You are both very funny and great player and i really like you both (even tho i’m trying to steal your raid member for my ICC;)
I also have to say that beyween you and Pen, i like you the best (of course that might be because Pen is one of the few ppl in guild who can put up more dps than me on some fights lol).
Cheers
04/22/2010 at 12:38 PM
Kiramaren
I have the same with my BF, if he made his Drood alt into a tank I told him I would I would… beat him? :s lol I like being good at something and I find it frustrating when he can go on almost any toon and smoke ppl out of the water, I try to avoid some of the classes he plays because I know that I will compare my self to him. It can be frustrating!