I am very glad to be a member of the various and sundry WoW communities that LiveJournal has to offer. I’ve learned a lot, and made some great friends. But sometimes there are things that make me twitch, and once you read? You cannot unread.

Like this for example: http://community.livejournal.com/worldofwarcraft/8267470.html

I’m mildly irked at the implication that anyone who wants to be good at WoW must have something wrong with them. Or be addicted. Or have something wrong with them and be addicted.

But the example the OP puts forward hits a little close to home.

Last spring, I started feeling bad a lot. Like – constantly a lot. I was sleeping at night, but it was never enough. Somewhere around late spring/early summer, I fell asleep behind the wheel of my car at 5 in the afternoon. I hadn’t done anything, I was just that dead tired. I was getting migraine headaches at least 2 – 3 times a month. Every inch of my body hurt constantly – it could be anywhere from a 2 to an 9 on the pain scale. Everywhere. All the time. I started napping most days when I got home from work, and binge sleeping on the weekends, but it didn’t help. I was tired constantly.

I went to my doctor, got the requisite blood tests, came back clean. I went for a sleep study, but it was inconclusive. My doctor refused to even discuss the possibility of fibromyalgia (which I know now is frequently diagnosed with a pressure test – nothing high tech or expensive) until all other possibilities were ruled out. I was told that I could be tired because I was overweight and didn’t exercise. I couldn’t make anyone understand that I couldn’t exercise – there was no energy for it.

Due to all things medical moving at the speed of sludge, I got let go from my temp position (one I’d been at for over 2 years) before getting a diagnosis. I’d already burned through all of my savings trying to make ends meet – by nature, with a temp position, if you miss work, you don’t get paid and I was the only income for both my boyfriend and I for over 9 months. There was no way I could afford the $500+ a month I would need to pay to Cobra my insurance, and since I was never diagnosed, I don’t actually qualify for state-assisted health insurance because my income potential is too high. I know there has to be a way to get past this, but looking for answers tends to stress me out so much, I have a flare, and spend a week in bed.

So I am that girlfriend now. I live on my boyfriend’s income, I play a lot of WoW, I raid, and I believe in being the best elemental shaman I know how to be.  Being in control of Krikket makes me feel a little bit more in control of me – and right now, that helps. Do I expect to be able to do this forever? No, I know I can’t. But right now, I can, and I need to, and I’ve spent a lot of my life taking care of other people to my own detriment. This time is for me, to figure out what comes next, what I am capable of (both inside the game and outside of it), and find a good balance. I don’t always succeed every day, but I’m trying.

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